Unexpected Draw – Wave of Power – What is, will not always be.
When I was 16, my father died from a knife that pierced his heart.
I really did not want to share something so personal but here it is anyway…
It was officially ruled a suicide and the person with him said it was an accident. I was in the room right next to where the argument occurred, sleeping off a good buzz from partying with my cousin earlier that night.
Of course at some point I woke up dying of thirst but instead of guzzling down a couple glasses of water, I remained in bed and went right back to sleep. It wasn’t much later when I awoke to the sound of my grandmother talking to a cop. I made coffee and joined the conversation a few feet away from the bloodstain on the carpet.
That morning passed in a haze and I lost entire chunks of time. For the next year or so that haze remained and I floated wherever the day carried me. I married at 17 and became a mother shortly after. My white picket fence turned out to be a cage that held me at the mercy of a violent man. When I left about 2 years into the marriage is when I finally started to actually live again. It would be many years before I really came into my own power but I was now free to learn and grow and fail on my own.
I’ve lived my days weaving through wild and practical parts of myself, I’ve experienced things I wasn’t sure I would live through, and beautiful things I could have never imagined.
At 45 years old I am just now finally freeing myself of the social constraints and expectations that have kept me stressed out, physically ill, and unable to really pursue the things I feel I am called to do. Don’t get me wrong, life still has some pretty rough edges but I feel like a dam broke and all the light inside me is spilling out.
I write because I love to write but I share because I want to help others shine their brightest. Life is both awful and wonderful, don’t overlook the wonderful.
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